I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
