I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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