Can Purell be used as lube?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he told me I talked like a deaf person
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
