maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
