i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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