I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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