Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
