Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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