Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
