It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
