i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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