if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
