Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
