i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
