just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
