Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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