Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
