Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
