a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
