This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
