I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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