remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
