Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Found the puke drawer
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
