i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
