the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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