Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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