Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
