So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
