Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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