yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
