i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
