Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
