this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I want a musical about memes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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