we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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