I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I need moral support for this bender
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
