what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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