oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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