Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
