Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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