looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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