how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
