Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
