I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
