I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
