So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize