There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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