your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
