is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
