Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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