Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize