I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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