wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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