Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I supernannyed him into submission
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
