his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
