why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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