Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
