i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
