I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize