i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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