He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
