Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
