8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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