I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
