he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
