i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
