roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
