so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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