"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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