don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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