Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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