How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
