if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
