What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
