i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
