I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
