I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
