It's Friday. Sex?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
