She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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