And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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