I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
