How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
