The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Randomize
