The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
