'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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