It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
