I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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