You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
