Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What a dumb baby whore.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
