just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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