The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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