Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize