I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
