I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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