just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
