i just wanna soil my oats bro
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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