Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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