my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
