omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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