Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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