Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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