I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
