Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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