Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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