Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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